Phineas and Ferb Porno Story: Because Its Joy Chapter 7
You know what sucks? Well, a lot of things, but right now I’m pissed that Coraline doesn’t come out in Australia until fucking May! MAY! I’ve got to wait that long, gah, punch something….!!!UIEFHU*)!!*!#($^#!&$#!Enjoy.
Of course, they had to bring the girl along, fine, whatever, 3 hours still wouldn’t be enough to help these idiots, oh well, first thing’s first, “Okay, what the three of you are going to wear, I assume none of you have dressed in black since the last funeral you got dragged along to, you see what I’m wearing? Go home, and, roughly this, but trade a hat for a beanie, don’t wear a tie and use complete gloves, if it’s not your face and it’s skin, wrap it in black. Alright, you two, go get some sealer and a vase from your house, as for you,” Oh, what can she do, uh, “You, get canned soup. A lot of it. Literally, all of it you can find from your home, actually that goes for you two as well, milk, custard, yogurt, whatever, get it, now go, get out of my sight.” That should do it, don’t want them to think too hard, they’ll burst a vessel, now then, 2 hour 58 minutes, just enough time to get everything in order, I haven’t had this much fun in a long time, hmm.
“You do realise what I meant when I told you to cover yourselves in black, right? Fuck it, that’ll do, yes, that’s fine, okay, good, get in.” Nothing like a night drive, “Uh, Roy, do you get to have a full license in Australia at your age, because here-” What? “Be quiet, I have the ability to drive, if you bring the law into this situation, let me remind you of what you’ve agreed to do tonight and then I will immediately kick you out of the car, hmm?!.” How they actually managed to build a rollercoaster when they’re this slow, beyond me, “Uh, Roy, what do you plan to do with all this? Also, isn’t it a bit overkill just to get back at them?” Fucking hell, woman, “Either don’t question me or leave right now before we get going if you think this is going to be overkill.” Should’ve figured at least one of them would think it’s too much, at least that’s all for now, time to get going, I want this done right, let’s see, 10:12, got 5 hours maximum to get it done, should be plenty, “Hey, Roy?” I will not get a moment of peaceful thought if this keeps up, “What.” are you gonna fuss over now? “Well, it’s just, how long do you expect this to take?” What the fuck? Do you have a ballet recital to go to in the next hour or something? “Well, Ferb and I had to sneak out of our rooms with the stuff and we don’t want to get caught, so we were wondering how long you think it might take.” How daredevil of you, sneaking out with only a total fear of getting caught, “Yeah, I had to sneak out too, how long do you think this is going to go for?” I’m surrounded by dribbling retard pant-wetters, “It will take until I’m finished, now unless the next question is going to be relevant, be quiet and harden the fuck up about it.” Man, foggy around here, feels kinda noir, if only, shit, yep, overshot, knew it was back there, alright then, this’ll do, time to get to work, that’s a bit of a walk to the school from here, ah well, 10 minutes equals no difference.
“I still would have thought that this place would have some security, this is far too easy now, didn’t even need the vase. No, actually, hold on to that, think I can still use it.” Okay, what’s nearest, likable Luis’ locker, 77, 79, 81, good, last check, “Okay, I’m going to make sure, because I can tell that if I trust you, something will go wrong, so is this Indignas’ locker or not?” Else that’s a total waste, “Yeah, we’re sure, if you want to be certain, look inside.” 27 steps ahead of you, kid, thank the public school system insecurity on lockers, let’s see, well if this isn’t his locker someone has one hell of a fetish, jeez, well no one can say that someone this vain doesn’t deserve it, look at those pictures, “Alright, you two start sealing up every hole in the locker, anyplace that air could get out, seal it up, including the edge of the locker. You, up here.” At least there’s room enough on top for this, okay, come on, there we go, hmm, should have brought a bigger drill bit, buuut, yes, that’s good, “Give me the funnel.” okay, perfect fit, “Have you sealed it up yet? Pink-a-bella, get the stuff you brought.” They better not miss anything, “Yeah Roy, it’s just about done.” I highly doubt that, but still, “Pay attention, kid, just keep doing this with the rest of it until you run out or there’s no room, got it?” Or do I have to dumb it down even more and show you how to hold the things and process oxygen? “Okay, got it.” Oh, very good, gold stars for managing to get it right, ah, ground, much better, fuck, cramp, dammit, “You two watch and seal up any missed points the second you see them, and none of you rush this, I don’t want this fucking up because you just wanted to get back in bed before mummy and daddy came to check on you.” that’s one down, next up, Jakey boy.
Alright, 59 should be it, confirmation time, come on, open, come, on, there we go, well this is at least a bit more civilised than implying that you want to clone and marry yourself, though I don’t think that in any of, nope, none these pictures of the sweet rocker girl include him, won’t she feel special to know she has her very own stalker, how ni-, what the hell, list of the girls in his and my year, and he’s dated, or maybe that’s screwed, every single one at least once, save Ja-date-less and the future Mrs. Triangle Face, way to leave that fact out in your rundown this afternoon, guess his cheerleader girlfriend isn’t gonna last long, shit that’s gotta be one hell of a rep, impressive for the number, I almost feel like considering whether or not to think about pitying him when he tries to get in a serious relationship though, nah, he’d deserve it, though I guess more than one girl would take pity on him after tomorrow, looks like he’s into this one a lot more than any other girl, though, well, everything has its time, where is, the, okay deodorant , lighter, come on, where are you, gotcha, time to burn it up. Bye bye pictures, bye bye list, bye bye Sir Popular’s dignity, along with your friends’, so long as they don’t screw that job up against the wall, good, charcoal inner walls and ready for a new view on the big, overcompensating man on campus, no more thinking, don’t need to, been thinking about it all afternoon, defocus and rip him to shreds.
“Roy?” Ah, what? wait, I’m done, wow, that’s even better than I pictured, “Did you finish Luis’ locker properly?” Predictable answer, ‘no Roy, it got boring so we stopped doing it and picked our noses until we felt like coming over here’, “Yeah, there weren’t any leaks, Ferb’s a master with the stuff, so it was good after the first layer.” Of course he is, while you are an acrobat that flies around the world in a hot air balloon in his spare time but also is able to leap into space and eat frogs for lunch. Well now, better close this back on up, good as new, wonder how much you’ll be hanging around you buddy after everyone gets a good look at that, hmm, “Where’s the controls for the heating in here?” Good pace so far, this time, “Oh, uh, just a little way down there’s the janitor’s closet, it’s in there.” Hmm, no, classroom, classroom, office, janitor’s closet, good, time to give the place a nice, warming feel, no one better be irritated by the smell though. Right then, everything looks fine, nothing can be seen out of the ordinary, perfect, guess I won’t be needing the vase anymore, “You can take the vase back, didn’t need it after all. Alright, now we can leave people, that’s all for now, be here early tomorrow if you want to see the spectacle.” Well, don’t you all look relieved, next I’ll have to teach you about how to actually say ‘fuck you’ to your parents, if you’re gonna get so scared about something like this, besides, couldn’t recognise I was even here now, ‘cept the broken door, well that’s the school’s fault, seems like not knowing how to hire a guard is the only thing they know, at least about security, hmm, 1-ish, not bad, don’t know what they were worried about, they’ll be back in a few minutes.
Alright, “Last stop, out out out, both of you.” I’ve got better things to do now, “Hey Roy, do you mind me asking,” probably yes, why do you have to think I won’t? “but was that really it? Is that all you’re going to do to get back at them?” Heh, “Not even close, newbie. Try not to stay out there in the cold too long, I’m sure you don’t want to get in trouble about having a life that extends past daylight, so hurry back into bed or wou might get gwounded.” oh, ugh, I do not want to speak like that again, that felt like eating an oyster without anything else, yeck, well, house sweet house, hopefully not too sweet, oh great, dammit, got to, need to draw something, now, something, something, nnnnnnnggggaaaah, can’t, need to draw and nothing to draw, fuck, draw something, anything, quick, can’t even, nnn, can’t think, can’t, draw something.
Nnnnnnggggg, the fuck, what happened, “Roy? You’re awake again?” What do you mean again, shit, “Don’t let the next sentence you speak be that,” I did, dammit, I should’ve figured that when I stopped trying when I was doing the second locker, shit, this one was pretty bad, mmm, “What time is it?” I need to eat, pack and get there by “It’s almost 8 right now. What happened last night?” Shit, okay, fuck eating, bag, bag, bag, good, “Don’t give me that, you know what happened.” okay, good, don’t need to get anything else, “Alright, I’m out, don’t touch anything of mine until I get back, standard crap, you can fix everything else if you want to, so long as it doesn’t affect my things.” well, at least I can count on this bike to get me there in time, ride like the wind, boy, regardless of last night, I’m not missing this morning, no way, although if that did happen, I don’t know how much longer I can last here in this place. Huh, cold morning, visible breath, that’s always good to see, maybe Winter’s approaching faster than normal this year, or at least for this city, guess that’s a bonus, hurry, should’ve found out when they normally arrive at the building, I just know I’m gonna miss it, get there 5 seconds after it, I can tell, well damaging the muscle cells is the least of my problems so, faster! Oh, I hope I didn’t do anything to my stuff last night, I should just go, watch the scenes and get back to fix the place, I don’t like this, even more than anything else.
Wow, not, gah, often I’m out of breath, great, teachers rushing, ‘oh no, what did the person who broke in steal? Wahahahaaaaaa.’ pussies, hmm, guess they haven’t touched their lockers yet, “Oh, hey Roy, has anything happened yet?” if it had, do you really think the seal on the locker would still be there? “So you don’t have at least half a brain. No, nothing has happened yet.” least nothing at the school, just don’t check my house, “Cool, man it’s hot in here, did you have to turn the heating up?” I will not rip his arm off, I will not rip his arm off, I will not rip his arm off yet, ah, there the two cocksuckers are, “You and your brother are in luck, since you’ll be seeing something that could make me smile, and that’s fucking unprecedented.” and here, we, go, wow, big strong football man can’t even beat some sealer, oh, harder, harder, for crap sake, pull, any, second, YES! Now that is a spectacle to behold, I don’t think I can even identify some of that, well if you want to stop traffic that’s definitely one way to do it, dammit, Heartman got out of the way, well at least that’s one of them ruined, “Wh-WHAT THE *splutter* FUCK?! Who the, the fuck *spit* filled my locker, with, ugh, what the hell is all this?” Well if you can figure out all the different things in there, I’ll definitely give you a prize of some sort, “I think, I, I think I’m gonna be sick, this is disgusting, ugh, I, wait, oh no, no no no, my pictures!” Of course, you’ve been completely soaked in, whatever it is, but let’s focus on the pictures of yourself, you self involved twat, this could not get any better right now, no, wait, I guess if that happened it would be better, but still, “Ugh, gross man, that is just sick, dude, get yourself cleaned up or something, I think I’m gonna throw up too at this pace. Hey, wait a minute, oh whoever did this better not have screwed with my locker!” Don’t think that, why would I discriminate, I don’t want to leave you out of the fun, do I? “Hey Roy, are we gonna go follow him?” Yeah, why not, won’t look too weird, everyone else is, ooh, over the sludge, don’t want new shoes yet, hmm, stop looking at me like that sludge boy, you won’t find anything to get me for it so don’t even try, now then, “Hey Roy, I thought I should point out that you didn’t smile, yet.” your point being, “Correct, I didn’t smile, now hurry up and shut up until I see Sir Stalker’s reaction.” I wonder if there’s vultures at this school too, kinda makes this one null without them, well, showtime, huh, why would he think I’ve done the same to both lockers, of course it’s different, “What, the, fuck, is all this?!” Those would be drawings, I’d imagine getting As and Bs would have given you the knowledge to identify something as simplistic as that when looking at them, “Alright, whoever did this to us, I know you’re here somewhere, whoever you are just give yourself up right now and take what’s coming to you.” Yeah, of course, because that’s always worked when trying to point the finger of blame, hasn’t it? “I’m not joking around, whoever filled Luis’ locker with that sludge and drew all these pictures in mine, admit it now and we won’t beat you up too bad, or you can wait until we figure it out on our own and it will be much worse.” The most sarcastic tone of voice possible still can’t capture how it would be if I did say ‘Oh, I’m sure we’re all so scared of you two beating up, please don’t hurt us, we won’t be able to fight back or anything.’ Oh well, time for the bitch slap in their faces, move aside random people, “Well now, how can you be sure that it was someone else, maybe Luis filled his locker with those different liquids by accident and sealed it up by accident as well, as for yours, well I don’t think you can blame your gay love for him and that you expressed it by drawing those pictures of yourselves all over your locker on someone else trying to make you look bad, I mean why else would you have dated so many girls, other than to make it abundantly clear that you ‘are’ straight, but anyway, I’m sure everyone else will accept your coming out with grace and dignity, not completely ridicule you, don’t you agree?” and whatever answer you have you can shove right up your ass, “You, it, it was you! You did this!” Wow, not often I need to use the innocent face, “Whatever could you possibly mean, I’m just some new kid, how could I possibly have done something like this, I was just voicing my thoughts about the situation, which I have one more comment to make about, which is that although I’m not involved with this in any way, from the view of the everyman, it seems like your ‘friend’ and your lives are becoming something like hell on Earth, how misfortunate that is for you.” Dammit, thought that would have been a conniption class fit he was about to have, still, I guess I should leave while the moment’s still savoury. Of course, along with the living shapes, well I doubt there’ll be a better moment of today to do this, “Does your pink friend have a boyfriend?” Whether he knows it or not, he’s coming into the game, “Isabella? No, I don’t think she’s ever had a boyfriend. Why?” Perfect, “Given what I now know, your life is about to get a lot more exciting, especially with that statement.” Soon as the jock queer puts the other chick in his line of fire, anyway.
Hmm, go back in time and thank the person who made fries, then the person who thought of putting gravy on fries, these are good, mmm, good, good, hmm, I’ll regret it somehow, but, “Have you made a time machine before?” even if they did, they’d probably have done something stupid with it, “Well, Ferb and I never actually made a time machine, but we did fix a broken one, some years ago.” Of course, they fixed a 19th century time machine, “Then what is the greatest thing you’ve ever made that wasn’t already partially done and was a completely original thought?” good fries, “Hmm, that’s a tricky one, it’s kinda hard to remember all of the ones we’ve done, you’ll have to let us look through our documentation when we get home.” Hmm, bet Tex Avery was his birth father, “Fine, you’re going to show me every idea you’ve done, you stop when you’ve either run out of notes, or you impress me enough to make me want you to recreate the idea that did so.” Like option B’s possible, but still, give a good gauge on their ability, “Phineas, Ferb, my friends!” jeez, calm down ya walking clich, “Baljeet, what’s the matter?” ‘Oh no, my friends, I just realised what a super fucking nerd I am, I’m so scared now!’ “I don’t know, if it’s really a bad thing, but everyone’s talking, I just came from the cafeteria, Jake and Luis, they have been talking to everyone in the classes and to all of their friends about how Roy tampered with their lockers, they are saying they will get revenge on him.” Pfft, “Let ’em try, they’ve got better odds fighting a bear while wearing a meat suit, but if they want to run headlong into a brick wall, they’re perfectly welcome.” Hmm, lunch is almost over, “You three go and tell them that no matter how much they kick and scream on their way down, they are still going to fall to the point where they will be begging me to kill them. I will be at your house at 4, you better have something good in your documentation.” and I’m going to fix my slip up last night in the meantime.
Well, that’s all for now. As for all those who keep complaining about the paragraph lengths, many other people have built bridges and gotten over it, so stop bitching and do the same. Anyway, I shouldn’t really need to explain anything here, should I? I mean if you’ve gotten this far I’m going to assume you can interpret what’s written in this story. Here’s a challenge for anyone interested, how many songs did I reference in this and what were they? A tip, if you looked up Gotye like I told you to, you’d get over half of them. Lastly, to anyone trying to figure out what the hell paragraph seven means, don’t bother, you’re trying to put together a puzzle with a piece missing, and even when I finish cutting the piece I probably won’t be giving it for a while.
Roy